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What a BLONDE will ask the doctor, in the maternity ward?
→ "Is it mine?"

Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?
→ She thought her maxi pad had wings

How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful?
→ Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.

Did you hear about the blonde who put "Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign Here".

Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus? She took the 22 twice instead.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
→ Branch Manager.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished.

When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said:

- I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals.

She proudly said:

- Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!

Her friend said:

- O.K. then, what's the capital of France?

The blonde replied:

- Oh, that's so easy! F.

A German woman is walking down the street.

Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.

She screams:

- Nein! Nein!

So two guys walk away.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

- I think I'm the smartest woman on earth.

- POOF!

She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.

- I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth.

- POOF!

She disappears. The blonde goes up.

- I think--

- POOF!

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

- That won't work - countered the woman.

- I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
→ Some traffic signs say stop.

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
→ She turned it over and used the other side.

How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him:

- Can you help me when you get home?

- Sure - he replies.

- What's the problem?

- Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces.

- Look on the box - he said.

- There's always a picture of what the puzzle is.

- It's a big rooster - she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife:

- Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box.

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
→ They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
→ Because she didn't know which one came first!

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup…