War

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off."

The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?"

The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?"

"Ya, that vill be done," says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off.
Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before?"

The German replies, "Vhy, ya."

The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."

The German snapped, "No! We think you are trying to escape!"

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

"You, your companies, and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"

The Englishman spoke first.

"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."

"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."

The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

"What is your last request?"

The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad.

The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the brunette yells "TORNADO!" All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away.

Next, it's the redhead's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the redhead yells "HURRICANE!" Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away.

Finally, it's the blonde's turn. The commander says, "READY, AIM" and the blonde yells "FIRE!" and gets shot.

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

- Speedbird 206: Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.

- Ground: Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

- Ground: Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?

- Speedbird 206: Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now.

- Ground (with typical German impatience): Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?

- Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop.

If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
→ Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self

When I die I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I always try to count my blessings, but I am no good at fractions.

War decides not who is right, but who is left.

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Why was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?

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