Travel Jokes

Why did the carload of lesbians get to San Francisco faster than the carload of gays?
→ The lesbians got there lickety-split, while the gays where still packing there shit.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

There's this guy and he lives in the second largest state in America, which is California, and he want's to live in the largest state of America which is Alaska.

So he goes there for a few weeks and decides he wants to become a fully-fledged Alskan, so he goes in this pub to ask a bar man what he has to do to become a fully fledged Alaskan.

The barnabs say's "First you drink this liter of whisky, then you've got to kill a bear, and find a woman and rape her."

The guy gets confused, so he asked the barman to repeat it.

He comes back a week later beaten to shit.

"What happened to you?" said the barman.

"I'm nearly a fully fledged alaskan, all I gotta do now is kill a woman"!

Can You name 3 Cars that start with P?
→ Nope, they all start with Gas!

A man and a woman were in 2 different cars. The man was going up the mountainside. The woman was going down the mountainside. Then the woman yells out - "Pig!". The man then yells back - "Hoe!" They both continue on, until the man smashes his car into a pig!

If you went to New York City for vacation and found eggs everywhere, what would the city's new name be?
→ New Yolk City!

- I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

- Never mind, you'll pass eventually.

- But I'm the examiner!

The Vancouver [British Columbia] Sun, Thursday, 18 March 1993, page A13 lead headline "United States"

"Hospital costs prove 40% less in Canada by Daniel Haney, AP Science writer

Washington - Hospitals cost almost 40 per cent more in the United States than in Canada, largely because [...]U.S. hospitals are more expensive, in part, because the cases they treat are 14 percent more complex. [Dr. Donald] Redelmeier, of Wellesley Hospital in Toronto, writing in the New England Journal of Medicine] said this reflects social differences between the two countries."

Frostbite of the nose is not as expensive to treat as a shotgun wound to the belly." he said.

Sign seen on the back of a truck:

Driver carries no money, his wife has it!

James and his wife, Martha, are getting ready to leave home for a vacation.

Martha started out the door, then stopped, turned around, and said, "James, this time you should go check to see if the coffee pot is off, television plugs are pulled, lamp timers are set, thermostat is adjusted, windows are closed and locked, burglar alarm is on, doors are locked, and I'll go wait in the car and keep blowing the horn."