Situations

- I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm afraid you'll have to make your own bed.

- Oh, that's all right, I don't mind at all.

- Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The wood's in the garage.

I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I?
→ A bed

How can you shorten a bed?
→ Don't sleep long in it.

Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. 'There's lots of room now,' he said.

- I'd like to buy a bed, please.

- Certainly, madam. Spring mattress?

- Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.

- I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.

- Did you have a big role?

- No, just toast and marmalade.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

"I've just bought a pig," said the first.
"But where will you keep it?" said the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!"

"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied his friend.
"But what about the smell?"
"He'll soon get used to that."

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

- Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world

- What was I wearing?

- Your ugly.

- And you're drunk.

- Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober!

- I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.

- You don't want justice - you want mercy!