Situations

Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly?
→ She was pretty ugly

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets.
The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before"
"Young man" she replied. "I didn't come here to be insulted"
"Really", he said, "Where do you usually go?"

- People keep telling me I'm beautiful.

- What vivid imaginations some people have.

Where is everyone beautiful?
→ In the dark.

Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?
→ No one.

A man walked into a lodge in Yellowstone National Park. 'Can you give me a room and bath?' he asked the clerk.
'I can give you a room,' the clerk said. 'But you'll have to take the bath by yourself!'

- Ned: Boy! Was I ever in hot water last night!

- Ed: You were? What did you do?

- Ned: I took a bath!

What's the difference between a peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?
→ One is rude and nosey.
The other is nude and rosey!

Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom.
Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. "Where have you been?" demanded the worried look out. "The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel."

- Does your brother keep himself clean?

- Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not.