Situations

- I forgot my brother's birthday last month.

- What did he say?

- Nothing, yet.

Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol.

He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.'

Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.

When is your birthday?
→ 17th January.

What year?
→ Every year!

What did you get for your birthday?
→ Another year!

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards...' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard.

'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'

'Because I'm lost!'

- I'd like to say something nice about you as it's your birthday.

- Why don't you?

- Because I can't think of a single thing to say!

- I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.

- That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?

- I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

- Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days?

- No. Why?

- Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."

- That's right.

- Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.

- Well, today is his birthday.

Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!