School

- Teacher: What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late?

- Pupil: Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!

- Teacher: In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.

- Pupil: How long for the answer sir!

- Father: Well Son, how are your exam results?

- Son: They're under water

- Father: What do you mean?

- Son: Below "C" level!

- Teacher: Why are you the only child in the classroom today?

- Pupil: Because I was the only one who didn't have school dinners yesterday!

- Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?

- Pupil: I don't know

- Teacher: Correct!

- Teacher: The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it?

- Pupil: My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks!

- Teacher: What is a comet?

- Pupil: A star with a tail

- Teacher: Can you name one?

- Pupil: Lassie!

- Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have?

- Pupil: A fight!

- Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it.

- Pupil: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail!

- Teacher: Billy, please don't whistle while studying.

- Billy: Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling!