Random joke from this category
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."
The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.
The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits.
A visitor asked a student: "Why you throw tomatoes at the man and now you are applauding him?"
"We want an encore. I still have some tomatoes left!" explained the student.
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "Nothing. He's an economist."
Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook:
If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics it will take you far along. If your idea's not defensible don't make it comprehensible or folks will find you out, and your work will draw attention if you only fail to mention what the whole thing is about. Your must talk of GNP and of elasticity of rates of substitution and undeterminate solution and oligonopopsony.
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
→ Too early to say.
What do economists and computers have in common?
→ You need to punch information into both of them.
Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
→ If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
→ He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Why did the market economist cross the road?
→ To reach the consensus forecast.
What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
→ Deflator mouse
How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ It depends on the wage rate.
How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None - the market has already discounted the change.
How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
→ All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Seven plus or minus ten.
How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
→ The economist is the one with the calculator.
What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
→ The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the correct one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
Why did God create economists?
→ In order to make weather forecasters look good.
What does an economist do?
→ A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
Two economists meet on the street.
- How's your wife?
- Relative to what?
To an economist, real life is a special case.
How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion.
Why has astrology been invented?
→ So that economy could be an accurate science.
