School

"Why are you crying Fred?" asked the teacher.
"'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . ."
"Fred," said the teacher. "You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots."
"Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it, sir. It was the tumble drier."

A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

- Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk, and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?

- Girl: One - the dead one!

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."

"OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels.
The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a school?
→ The deputy head!

What's a moo hoo for grazing school?
→ Grass class!

- Teacher: Name five things that contain milk.

- Pupil: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!

How did the calf's final exam turn out?
→ Grade A!

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!