School

- Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan?

- Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.

Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school?
→ The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.

While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable.

Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
→ A senior high school math problem.

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

- Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

- Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

- Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

- Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.

"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."

"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."