Religion

How do nuns surf the web?
→ On the Hymnternet.

How does the vicar explore the Internet?
→ With the church mouse.

Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application?
In the blank labeled "Church Preference" he filled in: Red brick.

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
→ 'Let us prey.'

The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?
→ Heck

Why couldn't the animals on Noah's Ark play cards?
→ Because Noah was standing on the deck!

There once was a German schoolteacher. She went to England to teach. When she arrived at the boardinghouse, she wanted to use the bathroom of the Water Closet. She sent a note with a messenger boy to the host asking where the WC was, thinking that the house knew what WC stood for. When the host recieved the letter, he wrote a response thinking that the WC was the Wayside Chapel. He reponse read:
The WC is 3 miles away. My wife has been sick for a while, so she was not able to go for 3 years. The WC can hold up to 300 people at one time. The people complained about the hard wooden seats so instead soft, plush seats were made. I have reserved for you the best seat where EVERYONE can see you!

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?
→ Sister Matic!

A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right next to a scenic vista area popular with tourists. The other monks agreed, and the two put up the stand. One day a tourist who wanted to offer a compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I'm the chip monk."