Religion

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was.

'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.'

'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously.

'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
→ Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

- Doctor: Your recovery was a miracle!

- Patient: PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
→ A roamin' Catholic!

Why did God create man before woman?
→ He didn't want any advice.

When was the longest day in the Bible?
→ The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

Why didn't Noah go fishing?
→ He only had two worms!

Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
→ The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!