Redneck Jokes

How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?
→ Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long!

We're not all stupid ya know!"

"Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"

"Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"

Why does the University of Tennesse football team wear orange to all their Saturday games?
→ So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.

What is the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
→ 'Hey y'all... Watch this!'

If a couple from Tennessee get a legal divorce, can they still be brother and sister?

Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister." "Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?
→ A tourist.

How do Redneck mothers know when their daughters are having their period?
→ Their son's dicks taste funny!

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!"

How do you circumcise a redneck?
→ Kick his sister in the chin.