Mom/Dad Jokes

A little boy came running into the kitchen.

'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face'
'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father!

- Mum, does God use the bathroom?

- No, what a funny question!

- Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'

- Mom: Joe, time for your medicine.

- Joe: I'll run the bath then.

- Mom: Why?

- Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Teenage Pregnancy Barbie ...complete with dropout forms. Angry parents and deadbeat boyfriend sold separately

Why does a mother carry her baby?
→ The baby can't carry the mother.

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks,

"Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom... Grandpop... am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?"

The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm f****** freezing!"

- Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

- Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer?
→ Because he wanted frozen pop.

- Do you like your new baby sister?

- She's all right.

- Do you play with her?

- No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker.
"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.
"I'm just entertaining the baby," explained Tommy.

"Where is the baby?" asked his Mum.
"Under the bath."