Mom/Dad Jokes

- Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner.

- Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow.

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's too skinny.

After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.

"Sure son," the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat your mother!"

Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend.

'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.

- Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner.

- Brother: Why? Is it broken?

- Mother: Jared, get your little sister's hat out of that puddle.

- Jared: I can't mum, she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!

A little demon came home from school one day and said to his mother, 'I hate my sister's guts.'
'All right,' said his mother, 'I won't put them in your sandwiches again.'

- Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

- Boy: Because he read the label, and it said 'shake well before using.'

- Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.

- Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!

- Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars.

- Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's.

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, "I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "Of couse it is, dear."

The next day, the blonde said, "I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "Of course it is dear!"

The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, "I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?"

Her mother replied, "No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old."