Military Jokes

When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
→ When they had lots of sleepless knights!

Why did the Romans build straight roads?
→ So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army?
→ To avoid the draft!

What did the sardine call the submarine?
→ A can of people!

What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
→ A fish tank!

Retired colonel, talking of the good old days:

- Have you ever hunted bear?

- His grandson's teacher: No, but I've been fishing in shorts.

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

"It's pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning."

Have you seen the polish mine detector.
→ Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.

Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
→ Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?"

"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China."

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time."

"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?