Random joke from this category
At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked: "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that object on this map?"
"That object, naturally."
"What makes you think that?"
"'Cause we can see the moon any clear night, and we can't see that object even at day time."
An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of attmittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harrassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentelman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam", he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO!!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot?
He flew 57 missions!
Why did Rudolfo salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket?
→ Because the label said General Foods.
An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.
"I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the NCO.
"Why did you come back?"
"Because there's already somebody there!"
What do you call a guard with a hundred legs?
→ A sentrypede.
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."
"Excellent my son, I have to leave for a bit, watch the gate will you?"
Where does Napoleon keep his armies?
→ In his sleevies!
