Medicine

What's the definition of a real loser?
→ A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.

What's the difference between mono and herpes?
→ You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

What's the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?
→ A Geneologist looks up your family tree, and a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.

A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the doctor:

- Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?

- Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?

- Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old but what does that have to do with anything?

- Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll be the best thing you can do for your recovery."

So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."

- Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach.

- Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.

Patient sticks out his tongue...

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

The common symptoms of swine flu are: High fever, upset stomach, occasional cramps and an irresistible urge to fuck in the mud...

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare, his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the doctor asked. "Well, yes," the woman said. "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."