Random joke from this category
A blonde and brunette were walking down the road.
The brunette see's her husband, and he is carrying flowers.
The brunette says to the blonde:
- now I'm going to half to spread my legs! - and the blonde says:
- why? don't you have a vase?
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.
- Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!
- Oh dear! I'm very sorry - replied her friend:
- What did you do?
- Opened a can of peas instead!
What is the best form of Birth ControlAnswer: Marriage
What did the gynocologist say to his wife when he got home?
I'm Bushed!
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
- I assume - she snarled - that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?!
- There is - he replied.
- Breakfast!
Why do women have smaller feet than men??
→ So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!
The dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door... which do you let in first?
→ The dog of course, at least he'll shut up once he's inside!
What do you call a woman with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant
What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?
→ Divorced
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie:
- Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?
- Well - says Sophie - when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.
- What if he has an erection? - asks one of the women.
- Honey - says Sophie - on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!
One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one:
- My wife - the man replied.
- I'm sorry - said Dave.
- What happened to her?
- My dog bit her and she died.
Dave was taken aback.
- And who's in the second hearse?
- My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well.
Dave asked:
- Can I borrow your dog?
- Get in line.
