Language Jokes

Which two letters are rotten for your teeth?
→ D K

- Fred: You've got a Roman nose.

- Harry: Like Julius Caesar?

- Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face?
→ A mousetache.

What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?
→ One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

Where do tired linedancers go for Breakfast?
→ Ihop

What do you call a one legged linedancer?
→ Eileen (I Lean)

What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster?
→ A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party?
→ A One Liner!

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place".

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

- Ever have an accident?

- Nope, nary a one.

- None? You've never had any accidents.

- Nope. Ain't never had one. Never.

- Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?

- Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.