Language Jokes

On what kind of ships do students study?
→ Scholarships.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
→ The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
→ Fleece Navidad!

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
→ The letter "D"!

- Jennifer: Are you coming to my party?

- Sandra: No, I ain't.

- Jennifer: Now, you know what Miss told us. Not ain't. It's I am not coming, he is not coming, she is not coming, they are not coming.

- Sandra: Blimey, ain't nobody coming?

A little girl was next in line.

- My name's Curtain - she said.

- I hope your first name is not Agnate?

- No, it's velvet!

What do you call a group of cars?
→ A clutch!

What do you call someone who draws funny pictures of motor vehicles?
→ A car-toonist!