Language Jokes

What is the last thing you eat before you die?
→ You bite the dust.

- Vampire 1: I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.

- Vampire 2: How awful!

- Vampire 1: Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time.

A monster and a zombie went into a funeral home:

- I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died - said the monster.

- Certainly ma'am - said the undertaker.

- but there was really no need to bring her with you.

How do you make a Venetian blind?
→ Poke him in the eye

What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
→ Surgical spirits.

- Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

- Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.

A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."

Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place and was sacked for the grave mistake?

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.

Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time?
→ It was a dead heat.