Language Jokes

Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be?
→ Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

- Wife: Do you think of me when you're away darling?

- Husband: Yes honey, I always bare you in mind.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
→ LO

What letters are not in the alphabet?
→ The ones in the mail, of course!

Who does Dracula get letters from?
→ His fang club.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?
→ At the ghost office.

His girlfriend returned all his letters.
I bet she marked them "second class male!"