Golf Jokes

How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf?
→ Depends on how many were photographed.

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?"
The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit."
So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?"
"Sure!", says his buddy.
"Where did it go?", the first guy asks.
The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said "Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"

This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist.

The lousy Golfer goes splash then damn.

The lousy Parachutist goes damn then splash.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."

The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back.

He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"

One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died, would you remarry?"

Peter thought for a second then said "Yeah I guess I would".

Then his the wife asked, "well would you have her as your golfing partner?"

Peter replied, "yep I probably would do that too".

"But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?!", she cried.

Peter looked at her and said, "Nah, shes left handed."

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf?
→ Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.

What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport?
→ Miniature golf!