Ethnic

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was - "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What in the world is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!"

He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says...

"A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got - dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100.

When do I start my job?!"

Mike's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.

He asks Mike, "Vat sims to be ze problem?" Mike says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore.

Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"

The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.

He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.

Then he says in a menacing voice...

"Ve haf vays of making you tock!"

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four Chinese men.

One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."

The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."

The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2."

As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."

Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!"

There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.

It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle.

A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew.

They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew.

They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash".

When asked where the crew was, the Cheif replyed, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!"

The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"

The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!"

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"

The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Peps!"

Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?"

The cheif says, "NO, you idoit!"... even cannibals know that...

"THINGS go better with Coke!"

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican.

They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons.

The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.

When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks: "What will you take on your back?"

And he responds - "I'll take the Mexican!"

Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences.

Here's what he handed in:

HONOR ROLL - We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.

PLANET - I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard.

DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said, "DISMAY hurt a little."

OMELETTE - Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go after a week.

STAIRWAY - When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY into space.

MOBILE - I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my man said, "Gimme one MOBILE."

DEFENSE - I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE and got away.

AFRO - I got so mad at my girly, AFRO a lamp at her.

AFTERMATH - I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH I go to the field and smoke weed.

LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.

DOMINEERING - My girly's birthday was yesterday, I got her a DOMINEERING.

KENYA - I needed change fo the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA spare some change.

DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.

DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach said, "DATA boy!"

COPULATE - I called 911 and an hour later when they show up, I said, "COPULATE!"

FASCINATE - My girly's boobs are so big. Her shirt has ten buttons, she can only FASCINATE!

BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is this BEWARE I get a job?"

COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst like that, and you'll be thrown out the COATROOM."

DECIDE - I like Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to have a couple of babes on DECIDE.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well," he explained, "By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen."

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well," he explained, "By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen."

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well," he explained, "by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying - Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.

This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.

WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces!

The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.

The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!

The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH!

A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.

The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies - "Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!"

Confucious say...

• Woman sitting in jelly have her ass in jam
• Man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts
• Man who puts penis in vaccuum cleaner, get sucked off
• Boy who lay girl on hill, not on level
• Man who lose key to girlfriend apartment, get no new-key!
• He who finger girl during period, get caught red-handed
• He who smoke pot, choke on handle
• Woman who wear g-string, high on crack!
• He who stand on toilet, high on pot!
• Boy who go to bed with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution on-hand!
• Girl who bathe in vinegar, walk around with sour-puss!
• Man with hand in bush, not nessarily trimming shrubs!
• Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money!
• He who masturbate, screw only himself!
• He who walks thru airplane door sideways is going to Bangkok!
• Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs!