Dumb Jokes

The police are looking for a thief with one eye.
→ Why don't they use two?

"Now as I understand it, Sir," said the police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this vehicle when the accident occurred. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I'm afraid not, officer," replied the motorist. "I had my eyes shut!"

Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?"

The other one replied, "I don't know."

So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong it will get dismissed."

The second Ranger said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"

- Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

- Caller: Hi, is this the police?

- Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?

- Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first cadet answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The seargent says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second cadet and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second cadet smiles, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third cadet and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The cadet looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The seargent is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the cadet replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards.

- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?

- Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain.

After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again.

- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?

- We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
→ Stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don't exist.

Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
→ It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.

"Shut Up", replied Shut Up.

"Stupid", replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

"Shut Up!"

"Stupid!"

The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied, "Why yes, how did you know?"

- Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

- Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.