Doctor Jokes

- Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

- Doctor: A shoebox.

- Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?

- Patient: Yes.

- Doctor: Well, don't do that.

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

- Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

- Doctor: You should diet.

- Trish: Really? What color?

- David: My wife beats me, doctor.

- Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

- David: Every time we play Scrabble!

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

- Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

- Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.

- Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

- Man: And the bad news?

- Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.

- Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!

- Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!

- Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.

- Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

- Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

- Patient: Yes.

- Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

- Patient: That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?

- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.

- Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!

- Nurse: What is it?

- Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!