Doctor Jokes

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?
→ Tunnel vision!

A young doctor just out of medical school announced to his wife that he planned to specialize in gynecology.

When she asked him why he chose gynecology, he said simply, "There's lots of openings!"

The brash young gynecologist, fresh out of medical school, took one look at his voluptuous new patient and abandoned his professional ethics entirely. As he stroked the supple skin of her naked body, he asked, "Do you understand what I am doing?"

"Yes," the patient answered. "You're checking for dermatological abrasions."

"Correct," the doctor lied.

Next, he fondled her breasts long and lovingly. Again, he inquired, "Do you understand what I am doing?"

"You're feeling for cancerous lumps," she ventured.

"Very astute," the doctor complimented, getting more excited. He placed the woman's feet in stirrups, dropped his pants, and slipped his member inside her.

"And do you understand what I am doing now?"

"All too well," the patient shot back. "You're contracting herpes!"

What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
→ One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?
→ A spreader of old wives' tales!

I recently attended a meeting of the International Singles Club here in Silicon Valley. I met a Chinese woman who was a dentist.

She had perfect teeth, which started me thinking: All dentists from all cultures apparently have perfect teeth.

So, I am looking for a gynecologist for my next girlfriend!

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. He then rushed off.

At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time to get yourself to the hospital!"

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech.

Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.

Proctologist: A brain surgeon for lawyers.

Proctologist: the rare profession in which the M.D. starts out at the bottom and stays there.