Doctor Jokes

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.

The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.

The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?'

The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.'

St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in.'

St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?'
The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'

- Doctor, Doctor my hair keeps falling out, can you give me anything to keep it in?

- Yes, here is a paper bag!

- Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness?

- How about a few pounds of pig manure?

- Will that cure my baldness?

- No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.

- Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?

- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
→ He was feeling crummy!

- I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.

- What did he say?

- He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.

- Did that do any good?

- No - I can't get the chocolate to light.

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread.

- Doctor: You've got to stop loafing around.

Which fish can perform operations?
→ Sturgeon!

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..