Random joke from this category
Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other:
- Do you ever get to feeling horny?
- Yes - her friend replied.
- What do you do about it?
- I usually suck on a Lifesaver.
After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked:
- Well, what beach do you go to?
How is sex like air?
→ It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.
How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..
What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
→ A tea bag.
A nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says:
- Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?
- I'll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice....unless you're tired. - she responded.
Do you know what a Yankee is?
→ Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself
A guy's fingering his girlfriend.
She says:
- Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me.
He says:
- That's not my ring...
- It's my wristwatch.
"I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Edna to Priscilla. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Priscilla responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution."
This guy goes into a doctors and says:
- Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!
- Well how often do you have it? - the doctor asks.
- Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day - he answers back.
- That's not so much - says the doctor.
- Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day - replies the man.
- Well that is probably a bit excessive - says the doctor.
- Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day - says the man.
- Well, that's definitely to much - says the doctor.
- You've got to learn to take yourself in hand. - I do - says the man.
- Twice a day.
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says:
- OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says:
- Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth.
