Dirty Jokes

Random joke from this category

Course Of Action

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the watercooler at the office.

- Veronica, I just don't know what to do, - Gloria said to her friend at work.

- That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?

- Oh, my God! - her friend exclaimed.

- He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic s*x!

- What should I do? - asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied:

- Wear an old dress.

Bra Sizes

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

- A - Almost Boobs...

- B - Barely there.

- C - Can't Complain!

- D - Damn!

- DD - Double damn!

- E - Enormous!

- G - GEEEEzus Christ!

- F - Fake.

Viagra And Appetite

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home-made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would only take a couple of minutes." He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"

Mysterious Picture

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

- Is that your husband? he inquired nervously.

- No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him.

- Your boyfriend then? he asked.

- No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.

- Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, she answered:

- That's me before the surgery.

The Plush Chair

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.

The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach.

Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.

He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh.

He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.

Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!"

Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.

And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned.

Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again............

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

The Right Rhythm

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied:

- He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

Young Girl Called Anna

There was a young girl called Anna,
Who was rather good with a spanner.
A boy gave her a knock,
So she grabbed his big cock,
And he now has a whole different manner!