Dirty Jokes

A guy says:

- I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.

- Yeah what happened? asked his friend.

- Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.

What's the purpose of a bellybutton?
→ To put your gum in on the way down.

Two prostitutes, after Christmas holidays:

- What did you ask Santa Claus to give you?

- Hundred dollars, as usual.

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
→ They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

Definition of bad lover:
An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman:

- For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget.

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says:

- So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?

The woman replies:

- No, I want four times in the rocker.

Two men were talking.

- So, how's your sex life?

- Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex.

- Social Security sex?

- Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
→ A Tent

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
→ Firetruck