Dirty Jokes

How are lawyers like sperm?
→ One out of a million turns out to be a human being.

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. - Doctor - she asks nervously - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?

- Certainly - replies the doctor - Where do you think lawyers come from?

An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

- Father - she said - How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?

- My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be - he replied.

- Well Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk. The next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. But this time, Father, I'm marrying a lawyer, so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed this time!

TOP 10 McGreevey jokes....

10. NJ state bird - swallow.
11. New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway.
12. NJ raises terror alert level to lavender.
13. We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous.
14. Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much.
15. What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common? Jewish seamen.
16. NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey".
17. Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box".
18. Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!"
19. It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!

What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?
→ Kneel to the Chief!

Presidential Election'2000

Dear Abby,

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,
Worried about my reputation

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
→ 1 U.S. leader

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
→ They were both dating the same girl in high school.

A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says:

- I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?

- Mrs. Clinton: Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit...

The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.