Random joke from this category
I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said:
- Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?
She said:
- Do you like sex?
I said:
- Of course I like sex.
She said:
- Do you like to travel?
I said:
- Yeah, I love to travel.
She said:
- Then fuck off.
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says:
- Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says:
- Mirror mirror on the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!
Again, there's a bright flash and both his legs fall off.
The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes?"
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side.
- But - said the duffer - since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'.
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
- What happened? - asked one of the members.
- Well - said the pro - I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?
A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman:
- cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have a large whiskey please, barman.
The man takes his whiskey and downs it.
- Same again? - asks the barman.
- Okay - says the man and downs the second.
He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.
In fact in total he downs 27 whiskeys.
- Do you want another? - asks the barman.
- No I don't think so - says the man:
- If 27 whiskeys won't take away the taste I don't think that another one will!
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY
6969 Slippery Root Drive
Droptrouser, NC 22269
Dear John Doe,
We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.
Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray a positive, romantic image for our product. A loose baggy and wrinkled condom is NOT considered romantic.
We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken. We would like to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a bicycle grip.
We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time. We will retain your application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a market for micro-mini condoms.
We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.
Yours very truly,
Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.
VD/abcP.
P.S. Remember our slogans:
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says "put your dick in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So the guy puts his dick in there, and they sew a button on it.
This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks:
- Whats a failic symbol?
Doctor says:
- You're kidding..
Girl says:
- No! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???
Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says:
- You see? This is a failic symbol!
Girl says:
- Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller
A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are.
- Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life - he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
She tells this to her mother, who replies:
- Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?
What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
→ He gets taller!!
