Dirty Jokes

They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.

It's called Genitalia.

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.

One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled:

- Who turned on the fucking lights!

- Oh, no sir - the nearest flight attendant replied.

- Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the 'fucking lights.'

A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love.

- How awful ! - exclaimed the wife.

- Si, but what a great way to spend eternity - added the husband.

One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around. He says:

- Hey Paco, you shit your pants?

Paco says:

- No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants.

He believes him and they keep riding.

As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around. He then says:

- Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?

Paco says:

- Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants.

He says:

- Ok.

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse. He then says:

- Paco, get of your horse. Paco, pull down your pants. Paco, I thought you said you did not shit your pants?

Paco replies:

- I thought you meant today!

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.

They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The ladies go up to the girl and ask:

- How do you keep your cigarettes dry?

Her answer:

- I put them inside of a condom.

The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a condom. When the pharmacist asks:

- What size? - one of the ladies says.

- It should fit a Camel.

There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane.

At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets.

When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said:

- I'm sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not your stub.

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke.

One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat.

- Please I need to get back to England - she pleaded.

- If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean.

Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said:

- When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect.

And being true to her word she agreed.

This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her.

- Please don't get angry - she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing.

- Why are you laughing? - she demanded.

He said:

- Because you're on the Statten Island Ferry.

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said:

- Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!

- I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.

- Oh really - she spat.

- Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour.

A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way?"

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary:

- Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions.

Mary gasped and said in a huff:

- Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!

She sat down, red-faced.

- Susan, can you tell me the answer? - asked Mr. Baldwin.

- The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions - said Susan.

- Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!