Random joke from this category
A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him:
- Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
- Yeah well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically:
- I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help.
One of the men immediately replies:
- No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead.
A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says:
- thank you for not disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have a full supply of butter.
- Thank you - the golfer replied - but where were you last week when I hit the ball into the pussywillows?
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:
- First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.
- Second Guy: That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.
- Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him:
- You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?
- Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, "Wear your sweater.""
What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?
→ Don King.
Why are the N.Y. Giants like a tampon?
→ They're only good for one period and have no second string.
Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?
→ She got her finger caught in a dike!
A lady golfer is stung by a wasp.
She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him.
- I've been stung by a wasp - she says.
- Where did it get you? - he replies.
- Between the 1st and 2nd hole.
- I think your stance must be a little too wide.
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter:
- What is that you just served?
The waiter replied:
- Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!
The American, though momentarily daunted, said:
- What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!
The waiter replied:
- I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said:
- These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied:
- Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins.
Once a couple were on vacation. The husband was lying on the beach facing downwards on his stomach & the wife was patting him on his butt. He happened to ask her what she was doing, she said "I`m playing the Tabla" He turned around & told her "Alright now you can start playing the flute".
