Business Jokes

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
→ You get repossessed!

What is long, black, and smelly?
→ The unemployment line.

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."

A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, "What a Pollack."

The Polish man said, "I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew."

"Probably, " replied the clerk.

"And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs, would you also insult him?"

"Probably," the clerk again replied.

"Why you're nothing but a bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody not like you?"

At this, the clerk replied, "Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron."

Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
→ 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
→ He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?"

"I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb.

"You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein.

"I've got a system," said Mr. Goldfarb. "It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag."

"What do you have in the other bag?" inquired Mr. Klein.

"Oh, well, not everybody gives."

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!"

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." She look at me say, "What your name?" I say, "Sam Ting."