Random joke from this category
The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.
"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."
The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"
"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."
"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
- The auditors have just left, sir.
- Did they check the books?
- Very thoroughly.
- What did they say?
- They want 15% to keep quiet.
Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:
"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".
The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy.
We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
"Was he tall or was he short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
What's a shy and retiring accountant?
→ An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Who was the first accountant?
→ Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
