Business Jokes

Economics is ruining your life when...- I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner - I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles

Top economist Valentine's Day cards4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.3. Let's raise housing starts together.2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'

If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics it will take you far along. If your idea's not defensible don't make it comprehensible or folks will find you out, and your work will draw attention if you only fail to mention what the whole thing is about. Your must talk of GNP and of elasticity of rates of substitution and undeterminate solution and oligonopopsony.

The following is supposedly a true story.

An economist was about to give a presentation in Washington, DC on the problems with Black-Scholes model of option pricing and was expecting no more than a dozen of government officials attending.

To his amazement, when he arrived, the room was packed with edgy, tough-looking guys in shades. Still, after five or so minutes into the presentation all of them stood up and left without a word.

The economist found out only later that his secretary ran the presentation through a spell-checker and what was "The Problem with Black-Scholes" became "The Problem with Black Schools".

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?

A: Too early to say.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What do economists and computers have in common?

A: You need to punch information into both of them.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?

A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck? A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why did the market economist cross the road? A: To reach the consensus forecast. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates? A: Deflator mouse --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: It depends on the wage rate. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None - the market has already discounted the change. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb? A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven plus or minus ten.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's? A: The economist is the one with the calculator. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?

A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the correct one, and everyone will still be in the dark.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why did God create economists?

A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: What does an economist do?

A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Two economists meet on the street.

One inquires, "How's your wife?"

The other responds, "Relative to what?"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------To an economist, real life is a special case.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Eight. One to screw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Q: Why has astrology been invented?

A: So that economy could be an accurate science.

Top reasons to study Economics1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands." 2. Economists can supply it on demand. 3. You can talk about money without every having to make any. 4. Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out. 5. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there. 6. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE". 7. Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward, in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue. 8. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility. 9. When you call 1-900-LUV-ECON and get Kandi Keynes, you will have something to talk about.

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.

His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"

The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," complains the man.

"Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor.

The accountant replied, "That's the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.

The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.

The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.

"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."