Business Jokes

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself.

"Sure," said Izzard.
"There a mirror around here?"

"There's one on the wall right beside you," said the clerk.

Izzard took a glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief.

"Yep!" he said. "It's me, all right!"

Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece.

They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash, they realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money they'd started out with.

"See!" said Tybe. "Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck!"

- IRS Agent: What's all this?

- Bracken: Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, and Garth Brooks . . .

Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

- Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me.

- Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?
→ He wanted to raise some hard cash.

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

If you need a loan, who do you see in the bank?
→ The Loan Arranger (Lone Ranger).

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
→ Because of all the tellers.