Blonde Jokes

A German woman is walking down the street.

Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.

She screams, "Nein! Nein!" So two guys walk away.

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror.

The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try.

"I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
→ Some traffic signs say stop.

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
→ She turned it over and used the other side.

How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
→ They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
→ Because she didn't know which one came first!

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?