At Work

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today."

The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."

"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.

"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
→ A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.

A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand.

"You'll need to be fit," said the farmer. "Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?"

"No, sir," replied the young man proudly.

"But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident!" said the farmer.

"Oh, the crutches!" said the young man. "A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!"

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?
→ FIRETRUCK.

A fireman had two sons. What did he name them?
→ Hosea and Hoseb

The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his friends and family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard from the grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."

A firefighter died and went to hell where he finds a wall of clocks.
After seeing all these clocks on a wall, with his friends names under them, he asked the devil, what the clocks mean?
"That's easy, each time one of your friends mess up on earth, their clock speeds up one hour." says the devil.
"I don't see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says.
The devil replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, we're using it for a fan."

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the foam."
Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

What does CHAOS stand for?
→ The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.