Animal Jokes

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
→ Lipstick.

Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.

• 17: Muffy the cat
• 25: Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
• 35: Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
• 48: Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
• 66: Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

Why do women have legs?
→ Have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind!??

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist. "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to."

"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm... physically attracted to my horse."

"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?" "Female, of course!" the man replied.

"What do you think I am...
GAY???"

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believes he is a grain of wheat. However, one day he and a friend came across a chicken, and John was terrified.

"Why are you so afraid, you're not a grain of wheat after all," his friend asked.

John replied, "You know it and I know it, but the chicken doesn't know it."

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has he been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.

- Doctor: How did this happen?

- Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.

Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."