Animal Jokes

Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?
→ The cats keep covering them up with sand!

The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, alright!"

The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"

The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
→ A Doberman.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
→ Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do!

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.

Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: "Legal Consultation Service: $150."

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the customer, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my gator."

Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To escape an oppressive military regime.

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil," answers the President. "But sir, what about the mad cow?!!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers Dubya, "she'll order for herself."

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
→ The spread eagle.

Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"
→ Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.