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Animal Jokes

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There was this not too bright scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands.

He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet.

Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet.

He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book.

Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet.

Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! Frog doesn't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!

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Ok, so a man walks into a bar in Denver and goes to the bartender:

- Give me ANYTHING BUT Coors!!

And the bartender is like:

- Dude, this is Colorado, we ONLY sell Coors here!

And the man is like:

- But I have to drink something OTHER than Coors!! See, last night I drank a case of Coors, and I blew chunks!!

And the bartender says:

- Man, anyone who drank a case of ANY BEER would blow chunks!!

And the man replies:

- No, you don't understand, Chunks is my dog!

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A little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl:

- Nothing but the best for my little kitten.

The girl at the cash register said:

- I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, & the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat & brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store & bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.

Frustrated, she went home, came back & brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.

The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said:

- No - you might have a snake in there.

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her.

So, the cashier put her finger into the box & pulled it out & told the little old lady:

- That smells like crap.

The little old lady grinned from ear to ear:

- Now, my dear, can I please buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?

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