Animal Jokes

10 reasons why a dog doesn't use a computer:

10. T0o0p hqa5rxd 6tt0[o 6ty[p3e 2w9igtjh;pa3wds (It's hard to type with paws)
11. 'Sit' and 'stay' were hard enough; 'delete' and 'save' are out of the question.
12. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
13. Carpal Paw Syndrome.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway he's browsing www.purina.com or the '50 ways to skin a cat' sites.
15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrates.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears, 'you've got mail'.
17. Too messy to mark every Web site he visits.
18. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
19. Can't stick his head out of Windows XP.

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. He said to the salesperson:

- But, I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the "Z" replaced with an "S"?

The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see:

- Wow, look at that S-car-go.

Two guys in a jungle, come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.

One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.

2nd guy hisses:

- What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion

1st guy says:

- No, but all I have to do is outrun you!

What does a duck like to eat?
→ A quacker!

Once there was this guy, and he was driving in his car, and all of a sudden, he sees the Easter Bunny hopping on the road. Well, he was going too fast, and he didn't hit the brakes in time, so he hit the Easter Bunny.

He was really upset, and was thinking:

- Oh no, what about all those poor little kids?? What can I do!?

Then, a blonde drove up in her car, and asked:

- What's wrong?

- I hit the Easter Bunny!! - said the guy.

- Oh, I know what to do - said the blonde, and she went into her car, got a can, and sprayed the Easter Bunny with it.

A few minutes later, the Easter Bunny got up, hopped a little bit, turned around and waved, hopped a little, turned around and waved, and it kept doing that. When the Easter Bunny was out of sight, the guy turned to the blonde and asked:

- Wow, I'm dying to know what was in that can!!

- Oh - said the blonde.

- It was hair spray. It says, 'Spray on dead hair for permanent wave.'

What did the snail say when he climbed onto the turtles back?
→ WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Interupting Cow

- Interupt.... MOO!!

How do you kill a blue elephant?
→ With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
→ Twist his nose until he turns blue and then use the blue elephant gun.

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
→ A wonkey!

What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an earthquake?
→ A milk shake!