Animal Jokes

What is the difference between a dancer and a duck?
→ One goes quick on her beautiful legs, the other goes quack on her beautiful legs.

What animals are poor dancers?
→ Four-legged ones, because they have two left feet.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say:

- Jesus is watching you!

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

- Jesus is watching you - the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot:

- Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?

- Yes - said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief and asked the parrot:

- What's your name?

- Clarence - said the bird.

- That's a dumb name for a parrot - sneered the burglar.

- What idiot named you Clarence?

The parrot said:

- The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner?
→ A Kong - vict!

What do you call a mayfly with a criminal tendencies?
→ Baddy long legs!

Who is the biggest gangster in the sea?
→ Al Caprawn!

What was the parrot doing in prison?
→ It was a jail-bird!

- Judge: Why did you steal that bird?

- Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

What advice do cows give?
→ Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
→ The horse's name is Friday!