Newest jokes

What is uglier than an aardvark?
→ Two aardvarks!

What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?
→ A virus does something.

What do computers eat when they get hungry?
→ Chips.

Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

This customer comes into the computer store.

- I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.

- Well - replied the clerk - Have you tried Windows 98?

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

- Due to lack of maintenance - he read - we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
→ "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

What's the speed limit of sex?
→ 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

- I was married 3 times - explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner:

- and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull.

- That's a shame. - said his friend:

- How did it happen?

- She wouldn't eat the mushrooms!

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.

- Private - the officer said:

- I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.

- Warehouses? - the private shouted.

- I thought you said whorehouses!