Newest jokes

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
→ Discordant!

What do you call an ant with frogs legs?
→ An antphibian!

Who is the most famous French ant?
→ Napoleant!

Why did the ant-elope?
→ Nobody gnu!

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they are full of antibodies!

Why do accountants make good lovers?
→ They're great with figures.

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said:

- I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.

The patient asked:

- Oh doctor, what should I do?

The doctor replied:

- Marry an accountant.

- Will that make me live longer? - asked the patient.

- No - said the doctor - but it will SEEM longer.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

- Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.

- Have you tried counting sheep?

- That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers:

- What is this?

- to which accountant number one replies - it's that $50 I owe you.

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:

- This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old.

- Where did you get this exact information?

- I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.