Newest jokes

How do vampire football players get the mud off?
→ They all get in the bat-tub.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Frozen Barbie on a Stick ...in your grocer's frozen food section

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
East German Swim Team Barbie ...a Barbie head on a Ken doll

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Crash Test Barbie ...comes with car and brick wall

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling...:

- SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!

A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer.

The bartender looks at the drunk man and says:

- I'm sorry sir, but I can't serve you...you've already had too much to drink.

The guy swears and walks out of the bar.

Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer.

Again the bartender says:

- I'm sorry, sir...but I can't serve you...you've already had too much to drink!

Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer.

Again, the bartender says to the man...:

- I'm really sorry, sir, but you've had too much to drink...you're going to have to leave!

The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally:

- My God, man... How many bars do you work at?!!!

A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartenter:

- Give me twenty shots of your best singlemalt scotch quick!

The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can.

The bartender says:

- Wow. I never saw anybady drink that fast.

The man says:

- well you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have.

The bartender says:

- Oh my god. what is it. what do you have?

The man looks at him and says:

- Fifty cents.

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says:

- I'm Jesus Christ.

The first priest says:

- No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.

So the drunk says it to the second priest.

The second priest replies:

- No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.

The drunk says:

- Look, I can prove it. and walks back into the bar with the priests.

The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims:

- Jesus Christ, you're here again?